


brothers.

by hoedogg



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: (can u imagine?), (maybe), (only briefly mentioned), Angst, Anxiety, Brothers, Character Death, Forgiveness, Happy Ending, M/M, Suicide, Why Did I Write This?, but also maybe not???? ? ? im a walking contradiction, no but seriously it'll end happy, ok it's tagged as lams but my dudes this revolves around the hamilton brothers u feel me, probably (see what i did there), this is awful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-22 01:51:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7413880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoedogg/pseuds/hoedogg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two brothers have been separated for years, having left each other when they were just a couple of poor kids from the streets. Years later they're in New York, living lives they once thought only existed in their dreams. They both assume the other is dead, but fate proves them both wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> IM SHIT AT SUMMARIES SORRY FAM :////
> 
> THIS IS GONNA BE BETTER THAN IT LOOKS TBH PLS FORGIVE
> 
> ok so some shit: i finished summer school last week but havent gotten any inspiration to write anything (including MFDR im sorry) but then i thought of how as far as i know, no one has mentioned the fact that alexander had a brother???? ? ??? ? Their past is pretty much mostly made up of Ron Chernow's biography on hammy. i threw in some original shit to fill in some blanks that were there to make it make more sense for this story.  
> and im currently working on a different fic (it's actually going to be serious and revolve around one ship for once) so look out for that i guess. this probably looks painful but i swear it probably won't be too bad.
> 
> im actually pretty proud of this so if it sucks pls have mercy on my sole
> 
> the tags are a mess but so am i so i think it's ok
> 
> gonna plan on making this fairly short (probably 2-3 chapters) but we'll see how it goes
> 
> enjoy ;)

Alexander lives a fairly happy life. It hasn’t been the best; actually some would say it’s been the _worst,_ but it’s his and at the moment he likes it. He used to think it was bad too, but not anymore. Now he has a family made up of his friends and his boyfriend. He’s thankful for all of them. But sometimes he can’t help but think about his past; he can’t get his mind off of his biological family. He can barely remember them now. They’re just distant memories. He doesn’t remember his father’s eyes, his mother’s voice, his brother’s face. Everyone is dead. Well, maybe not his brother. But he tries his very best to never think of him after they went their separate ways when he was fourteen. He remembers that day in detail. He doesn’t know where James is. It pains him to believe that he's gone, as he’s not sure if he ever made it out of Nevis. Sometimes you just can't help but wonder, what happened to him?

This is one of those times. John, his boyfriend, is working for the night and he doesn’t want to bother any of his friends. Honestly, he feels like he should think back at his family more. If he doesn’t, then who else will preserve their memory? So he does, and the more he thinks back on everything he and his family went through, the more the weight in his chest feels heavier and heavier.

His mother was beautiful. He can’t remember her face, but he knows for sure she was beautiful. Like him, she was a fighter. She was always fighting, always struggling. She had to work multiple jobs to make ends meet and to put food on the table. For some reason, he remembers her smell more than her face. He could write poems of how wonderful his mother smelled. Hugging her was one of his favorite things to because whenever she held him, he would catch a whiff of lavender and vanilla. She would stroke his hair and whisper sweet words in his ear when he’d have a nightmare. She died when he was twelve (the first to die). They’d both been fatally sick and she died holding him. He had woken up to her familiar smell, but her body felt cold as her deceased arms wrapped around his own frail body.

He hasn’t much to say about his father. He remembers him being a stubborn man, like his wife. He was fairly kind, but was was lazy and that proved to be the cause of his downfall. They were never close. His father was always closer to James, but not by much. He left a few years before his mother died. No one knows why, but Alexander just assumes he was mixed up with some bad people and didn’t want to get them involved. When he thinks back on the man, he doesn’t feel resentment, just sadness. Not because he wishes they were closer, just because the man he called father had always been more of a distant relative at best.

After losing both parents, Alexander and James were taken in by their cousin. He too wasn’t very close to them, but was kind enough to offer them a home despite not having much money for himself. He ended up dying too. He and James had just gotten back from picking up some groceries using the very limited money their cousin was able to give them when they found his body. With slit wrists he laid in a pool of his own blood. It had been suicide and he did it not long after the death of their uncle, aunt, and grandparents. Alexander and his brother were promptly kicked out of the apartment, leading the two of them to live on the street. They would have both been sent into foster care, but they’d heard the horror stories. They decided to run away together.

During their time as homeless children, they were codependent on each other. James was always the bigger and stronger out of the two, though life in poverty led them both to be terribly malnourished. Alexander was the more intellectual. He was never seen without a book in his hand or tucked under his shirt. James stole bread from stores, and if he was lucky he would manage to steal a bit of cooked meat. Alexander used his big, sad brown eyes to coax people into giving him some money. Usually he would do this in front of a fastfood restaurant or a gas station until an employee would tell him to take a hike. At the end of the day, he and James would meet up in a quiet little park and show each other the day’s earnings. On good days, they would share a tiny amount of food and recount stories of strange things they’d seen earlier. On bad days, they would sleep hungry and cold, with James having to try not to wince when he moved due to the bruises he had received (many of the men who managed to catch up to him after he stole from their shops weren’t merciful).

They were soon identified as the town beggars by its citizens. It wasn’t a title either of the siblings were proud of, but they were alive. That was more than they could say for the rest of their family. They were alive and they were together. Until two years later when James was making his way to the market to steal something to eat, but had apparently noticed an old carpenter struggling to lift a heavy box into his shop. He told Alexander that after helping the man, they had become close, and everyday after that he visited him. Then after a few weeks, the carpenter offered to make James his apprentice. He explained to Alexander that they should be on their own for now on. Alexander remembers feeling like yelling, screaming in his brother’s face. He wanted to call him a traitor, that after everything, he he couldn’t believe he was going to leave him too. That he hated him, and that he would never forgive him, even if he knew it wasn’t true. He wanted to rant and curse him for doing this.

He was about to, taking in a big gulp of air before realizing, James never had to stick with him in the first place. He was born into the same family as Alexander, was offered the same home by the same cousin as Alexander, and chose to stay with Alexander for survival. Now that he’s been given the chance to get away from Alexander, it’s only logical for him to take it. He only stayed with him out of _convenience_. This revelation made Alexander want to be livid, but, like thinking of his father, all he felt was sadness. He genuinely loved James. He wished James felt the same, and he really thought he did, but apparently not. Call it a strange sense of loyalty to his brother, but Alexander doesn’t hold him accountable for it.

So instead of letting out the word vomit that was threatening to spill out of his mouth, he brought his knees up to his chest, folded his arms over them, and rested his head over his arms. He nodded as he struggled to blink back tears while staring off into the sunset. He looked at the orange sky littered with pink and purple stretched out clouds and refused to look at James in fear of breaking down into tears.

His resolve was broken when James began rubbing his back, up and down, the way his mother did to comfort him when she was alive. He sobbed into his arms as James pulled him to his chest. Alexander stayed in his little ball while James held him tightly. He had been shaking almost as violently as Alexander was. He then realized his brother was crying too.

“You’ll always be my brother,” James whispered into Alexander’s hair. “Always.”

Alexander couldn’t talk through his hiccups and sobs. He only nodded his head quickly again, trying to take deep breaths. It took about half an hour for both siblings to calm down. It had become dark, the street lamps that littered the park and sidewalk being the only source of light. They looked at each other, and Alexander wanted to cry even more as he watched James stand up and strip off the large coat the carpenter gave him. He wrapped it around Alexander’s shoulders, pulling it closer around the younger boy’s body.

James kissed the crown of Alexander’s small head and murmured a quiet, “I love you,” before walking around the bench they’d both been seated at. He walked down the sidewalk, presumably to the carpenter’s shop, and Alexander could swear he felt his heart shatter as he watched James go.

John comes back to the apartment to find Alexander curled up in a corner of their bedroom, clutching the jacket (he keeps it hidden in the bottom of his drawer) his brother wrapped around him all those years ago close to his chest. It takes hours to get him to calm down, and he falls asleep almost immediately once John lays him in their bed. He sleeps sandwiched between his boyfriend and his brother’s jacket.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon casting for James: Javier Muñoz. It's basic af but it's all I could picture. Also in case anyone is wondering why everything is going so fast, I'm absolutely horrible with slow burn. I couldn't write a slow burn story to save my life. But I've got a pretty good idea of how the next chapter will go down so it'll probably be another quick update.
> 
> Enjoy.

James loves his craft shop. It’s his home, it’s a stable workplace, and it’s quiet. He gets a decent amount of customers everyday. He makes enough money here to actually buy food instead of stealing it the way he had to when he was young, which is a major plus. It gets lonely at times, yes, but he has his cat. There’s usually always something to do around his store or in its attic where he lives.

Most people wouldn’t like the idea of living in the attic but it definitely beats old park benches. He really does like living there, though. It’s private and he can watch television as loud as he wants and he doesn’t have to pay rent because he owns the building. He’s wanted to own something for himself since he can remember. He sleeps on a comfortable futon, on cold nights his cat (Ham is his name) keeps him warm by curling up beside him. James lives the life he’s always dreamed of, yet there’s still something missing. It could be the lack of a woman in his life or it could be something else. He doesn’t want to think about what that _something else_ may be.

He quickly stomps down that train of thought. He can’t afford to think of any of it. It’s time to go down and open up shop, anyway. After feeding Ham, he walks down the stairs leading to the back of the store and opens the blinds of the large front windows. Morning light pours into the shop, illuminating it enough to leave the lights off for now. He sweeps the floors for a bit, cleaning up whatever dust or dirt he missed the previous night. When he’s done, he walks to the front doors and flips the _closed_ sign to _open_. He moves and stands behind the counter, waiting for someone to come in.

The first person to push open the old wooden doors is one of his regulars— an elderly woman whom James has grown fond of over the past few years she’s been coming here. She smiles warmly at him and nods her head in greeting. He does the same and she makes her way to the end of the shop where the yarn is. She emerges holding three balls of yarn a few minutes later, all different colors. She places them on the counter and digs around in her purse for her card while James scans the items.

“Have you heard from any of your grandchildren?” James asks softly. The old woman’s family is a taboo subject, but he’s come to learn that she’s sometimes willing to open up and talk to him about it.

She sighs and shakes her head. James hates to see the way her face falls, making her look older than she already is. That frown is not something that should ever be on the face of such a nice woman. She deserves so much better than what she gets. He wishes he could really do something to make it better. She looks back up at him and smiles sadly.

“Now why that long face, young man?” She asks. “Don’t look at me like that. It makes me feel old.”

James smiles in amusement despite the sadness still twisting in his chest. “Well…”

The old woman smacks his hand playfully, causing him to laugh. He bags the yarn and hands it to her after handing her back her card. She chuckles before turning and leaving the shop.

Throughout the day, different types of people enter the shop: A girl coming in and buying some cloth for a costume she’s making for an upcoming convention, a tailor in search of the right kind of buttons to fix a client’s dress pants, a mother buying some paints for her young son, a small group of teenagers looking for some supplies for a school project, a couple who came in, looked around, and left without buying anything. He smiles welcomingly at all of them. By lunchtime he closes shop for about fifteen minutes so he can go upstairs to the attic to feed Ham and make himself a sandwich and coffee. After eating, he plays with Ham for a little while, letting the cat smack and bite him. He even chased him around for a bit before walking back down and opening shop again.

A small group of people had been waiting for him to open up again and he hopes they didn’t wait long. They all look around for a while and the first to pay for his items is a man with a bucket of paint and a large brush. James scans the items and the man hands him his credit card. James wishes the man a nice day and he does the same before taking his leave. The rest of the group litter the shop for a while but eventually they each find something and make their leave as some more people trickle in.

James doesn’t judge his customers. No matter their skin color, sexual orientation, or whatever else. It’s ridiculous to exclude any group of people simply because of personal beliefs. This is a business and it needs to keep a good reputation. With that being said, he tries very hard not to laugh or cringe when two men walk in. The first one is wearing what James would consider to be the brightest, most flamboyant purple jacket to ever exist. It almost hurts his eyes to look at it. His hair is _huge_ with wild curls all over the place. The second man looks much more normal— dark skinned, shorter than the first man, but still tall. James doesn’t recognize either of them.

The first one looks around, unmoving, taking in the shop. The second turns to James and speaks.

“You have glue guns here, right?”

James nods. “Those are in the very back on the wall.”

The man nods and makes his way to the back. The second man then turns his head and stares at James. He smiles at the man, hoping not to look awkward.

“You look familiar. Have we met?” The man asks in a slight Southern accent.

“No,” James answers. “I don’t think we have.”

The man walks over to him and stops in front of the counter, folding his arms and leaning on them. He narrows his eyes at James. “What’s your name?”

“James,” he says, extending a hand for him to shake. The man unfolds one of his arms and gives his hand a firm shake. “James Hamilton.”

The man’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, and he looks taken aback. He stares at James like he grew two heads. This makes James feel extremely awkward.

The man clears his throat and extracts his hand from James’.

“You don’t happen to have any relation to a man named Alexander Hamilton, do you?”

Now it’s James’ turn to look at the man in surprise. That’s impossible. His brother can’t be alive. He’s spent all this time coming to terms with the possibility that Alexander could be dead. Especially after that God-awful hurricane that hit Nevis years ago. He’s not sure what he feels at the moment. It’s a strange mix between surprise, joy, disbelief, sadness, and confusion.

His mind short circuits, leading him to make choked noises at the back of his throat. He opens and closes his mouth, in search for words but nothing comes out.

The second man walks up from the back of the shop holding a large glue gun and a few tubes of hot glue. He stops in front of the counter and places the items on it, looking between James’ flabbergast face and his friend’s unreadable face.

James’ mind snaps back to reality and he quickly scans the glue gun and tubes. He mutters the price and the shorter man hands him the appropriate amount of cash. James takes it and puts it in the register before bagging the items and handing it to the man.

“Thomas,” the shorter man says, nudging his friend. “Let’s go.”

The man— Thomas— nods and follows him out the door, still looking at James with furrowed brows.

James lets out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding. He suddenly feels numb. He stiffly walks around the counter and locks the door. He flips the _open_ sign to _closed_ , not caring that it’s an hour earlier than it should be. He shuts off the lights he previously had turned on a little bit before the two men had entered the shop.

He walks up to the attic, and collapses on his futon. In the same instant his head hits the pillow, it registers in his mind that his brother is most likely alive.

Alexander is alive.

That’s when the flood of emotions hits him once again, previous numbness having completely been forgotten.

James cries into his pillow for what could be hours or just a few minutes. He doesn’t know why he’s crying. It’s probably relief but he isn’t entirely sure.

What he is sure of though, is that he knows what that _something else_ he’s missing in his life is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this fic is highkey shit so please if you like it please leave a comment. If there are any big mistakes in here, feel free to tell me. Hope you liked this


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to update this again yesterday but something happened and I wasn't up for it. I'm pretty sure this chapter is shorter than the rest so sorry about that. Maybe today I'll do a double update so let me know if you'd like that and I'll see what I can do.
> 
> And thank you to anyone who's left nice comments for me lmao im so emo when it comes to my own writing
> 
> Enjoy.

Alexander and John were watching  _ The Chosen _ when they heard furious knocking at their door. Neither of them had been expecting anyone. Alexander looks at John questioningly, and his boyfriend merely shrugs. When the knocking commences again, this time louder and harder, John sighs and stands. Alexander pauses the movie for him while he makes his way to the door where the knocking still hasn’t ceased. He watches John from the couch. When he opens the door, he finds that their friend Lafayette is standing at the door looking breathless and uncomposed, which is entirely uncommon of the Frenchman. If Lafayette is uncomposed because of something, it can’t be good.

Wordlessly, Lafayette pushes past John and walks to Alexander, eyes locked on his. He kneels in front of him and Alexander now notices just how wild Lafayette’s eyes are. He was expecting bad news, but now that they’re faces are merely a foot apart, he sees the almost uncontrollable excitement beneath his friend’s eyes. This leaves Alexander to be extremely confused.

“Alexander,” Lafayette’s accented voice says. “I have big news for you, _ mon ami. _ ”

“What is it?” He answers.

“Do you remember you told us all about the brother you assumed was dead.”

“Laf,” Alexander says, shifting uncomfortably. “I really don’t want to talk about that.”

“ _ Non,  _ listen to me. He’s alive.” Lafayette says with a grin, shaking Alexander lightly by the shoulders.

Alexander’s eyes widen before he’s glaring holes into Lafayette’s face. He shoves Lafayette away from him.

“Stop fucking lying! Why are you saying that?” Lafayette’s brow furrows in confusion before processing that Alexander doesn’t believe him.

“Calm down,” Lafayette says. “Thomas was out with Madison and they went to a little crafts store on the other side of town—”

“You’re going to believe what  _ Jefferson  _ says? Are you an idiot?” Alexander’s voice steadily rises.

“Trust me,  _ mon ami _ , Thomas doesn’t know about your brother. I was skeptical of him at first as well, but then he told me the man’s name. James Hamilton.” Lafayette says quickly and Alexander feels his breath hitch.

John walks over to the couch from where he had previously been standing by the entrance of the living room, silently watching both Alexander and Lafayette. He takes a seat next to Alexander and loops his arm around this shoulder. For once, Alexander sits, completely at loss for words. But him not speaking doesn’t mean there isn’t a million words going through his head all at once. He’s searching for reasons why Jefferson would lie, but he never told him or Madison about his past. Aaron Burr is a mutual friend between them, but he never told him either. But James stayed in Nevis, didn’t he? Now that he thinks about it, James never did tell him where he was going when he left. Yes, he was definitely going to the carpenter shop, but who’s to say the old man never took him away from the island?

But what are the chances of both of them being in New York and never knowing?

Didn’t Lafayette say something about a shop on the other side of town? He could have been passing by his brother on the street for years and never knew. He could get the directions from Jefferson and go see him. He could see his brother again. He could introduce him to his friends and in turn James could do the same. They could be brothers again. Hope fills his chest before being doused in anxiety.

What makes Alexander think James wants to even see him in the first place. He left him. Alexander was just a convenience. Nothing more. Even if James were, by some miracle, to be alive, there’s no way he’d want to see Alexander. It wouldn’t make sense.

His mouth suddenly feels very dry. He gulps loudly before remembering where he is. He realizes that he’s been sitting quietly for some time now, staring blankly at his lap. He looks up at Lafayette and John’s mirrored worried faces. Had they been trying to talk to him this whole time? 

“What?” He says quietly. John and Lafayette glance at each other before turning to him again.

“We were asking if you were okay,” John says taking hold of one of Alexander’s shaking hands. He hadn’t even realized he had been trembling. “You kinda spaced out on us for a second.”

“He doesn’t want to see me.” Alexander says bitterly, looking back down at his hands.

Lafayette places a warm hand on his arm. “What do you mean?”

“He left. Why would he even want to see me?”

“Alex, you won’t know until you try, right?” John says hopefully. The anxiety in Alexander’s chest feels less twisting, and more heavy. It’s getting a little hard to breathe, so he just holds his breath, only bothering to take in air every few seconds.

“No, John,” Alexander says. “He isn’t going to want to see me. He’s probably happy to not have me around.”

“Come on, you don’t know that.”

Alexander stands abruptly and walks around the couch, headed for the bedroom. John stands, but doesn’t move. Lafayette follows in John’s suit.

“What are you doing?” John says.

“I just need to write something down.” Alexander says. He continues into the hall.

“Alexander, wait!” Lafayette runs to him. Alexander stops and watches his friend as he pulls out a small folded up piece of paper from the front pocket of his jeans. He holds it out for Alexander. “I had Thomas give me the adress. It’s written here. If you ever want to see him, do you promise me you’ll try?”

Alexander stares at the little folded paper and takes it, nodding his head slowly in confirmation. Lafayette lets out a sigh of relief before turning back to the living room. Now Alexander just wants to cry. He turns and quickly walks to the bedroom and quietly shuts the door. He pulls out his laptop and writes for hours until his hands cramp. Lafayette left a little while ago and John had him eat something, though he didn’t finish the already small meal. He’s been hungry for most of his life, he can stand to miss a meal.

By two in the morning, John has to beg Alexander to lay down and sleep. Begrudgingly, he does. It still takes him hours to sleep with his mind still not satisfyingly empty. He needs to keep writing, it’s one of his only outlets. But now that he has his head resting on his pillow, buried under his and John’s blankets, he realizes just how exhausted he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked that ;) again sorry for the short length it's only two pages rip


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS HASN'T BEEN EDITED YET BECAUSE I NEED TO GO OUT AND I WANTED TO UPLOAD THIS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE PLEASE FORGIVE OK  
> enjoy
> 
> ***EDIT***  
> yall did not tell me how horrible this was oh my god I fixed some of the mistakes but it's still shitty because I'm doing this on my phone but when I get my laptop tonight I'm gonna finish it ok

James Hamilton is a fucking idiot, and that’s putting it lightly. A compete dumbass. He had his chance to find out where his brother was, and he completely choked up. He froze like a deer in headlights. What a dumbass. His one chance— something he’d been dreaming of for _years_ — and he blew it. All he’s ever wanted since he left Nevis was to one day find Alexander and apologize to him for leaving him. He wants to be with his brother again so badly it hurts. It’s been weeks since that guy came around asking if he knew Alexander, but he still can’t stop thinking about it.

He can imagine how their first interaction would play out. James would find Alexander and he would introduce himself. He would watch his brother’s face closely; he would watch his features change from confusion, to surprise, and then to utter joy. They would hug and there would probably be some tears shed before they would go out with Alexander’s friends because, in all honestly, the sweet old woman who visits his shop may very well be his only friend. They would go out for drinks, crack a few jokes, share some stories, reminisce. Then they’d go back to their respective homes. But that wouldn’t be the last time they’d see each other. No, never again would there be a last time. He would always be by his brother’s side.

Or everything could go wrong the moment he introduces himself. Alexander might yell at him, curse him the way James knew he wanted to years ago when they parted. Alexander would tell him they are no longer brothers, that they never _were_ brothers. He would tell him how much he hates him.

James doesn’t like that second thought nearly as much as the first.

But there’s always the possibility that he doesn’t never wants to see him, isn’t there? James is selfish. What makes him think that he can just push his way back into Alexander’s life without invitation, without permission?

What makes him think Alexander even wants to see him?

No, he won’t jump back to Alexander. He’ll spare his brother that kind of pain. He’s probably happy without James. He doesn’t deserve for a traitor to come back to him and ask to be a part of his life again.

How fucking stupid to think he could ever expect to be accepted again. James already left him once. He’s not going to go back with the possibility that he may choose to be selfish again and leave him. His little brother deserves so much better than that. He’ll stay away, and force himself to be satisfied with the thought alone of Alexander being alive. Even if it hurts, even if it breaks him. If James could spend all these years away from him, then he can pull through the rest of his life.

He wishes the old carpenter was still alive. The man died of age. He died peacefully. He was wise and kind, and he always knew what to do. When he was lost, he could always go to the nice old carpenter who gave him a new life. James always promised the man he’d repay him for everything he’d done for him, but the old man would simply shake his head and say that just being with him was enough of a repayment. In fact, those were the last words he ever said to James before passing in his sleep.

His death was so unlike the passing of James’ family. His was a quiet, peaceful one. He lived a fulfilled life. The old man was one of the happiest, most giving person James ever met. Unlike his family, the carpenter was prepared, and when James found him the next morning, it was almost as if the man was smiling.

Unlike his family, the carpenter’s death didn’t leave James angry. Instead, he felt at peace knowing the man died happy. Having him dead still hurts, but it’s different than when he thinks of his mother dying. With her, he wishes she had lived a better life, one where she was appreciated. The fact that she never got that when she was alive always left him with an indescribable pain and frustration. With the carpenter, he simply feels at peace, if a little lonely. Alexander would have liked the old carpenter.

If he were alive, he would tell James what would be best.

James blinks back the tears that have formed in his eyes as he thought of all this. He sighs and stands. He needs to open shop. He feeds Ham, not bothering to get himself any food, and walks down to the shop. It looks colorless for some reason. It’s usually so bright and he feels pride every time he come down here. Now all he feels is emptiness. He sighs again and grabs the broom to start sweeping when a loud repetitive banging causes him to jump in surprise. His head snaps to where the knocking is coming from and sees a tall man looking through the window.

He looks like the man— Thomas— who asked him about Alexander, but there’s something different about him. He quickly walks over and opens the door.

“I’m sorry but we’re not open yet,” James says. “Come back in about ten to fifteen minutes.”

The man shakes his head. “I’m not here to buy anything. I came to speak with a James. Is he here?”

“Um,” James says. “That’s me. Come in.” He holds the door out wider for the presumably French man to enter. When he’s in, James closes the door. “What can I help you with?”

“Well first,” the man holds out his hand. “My name is Lafayette.”

James shakes his hand and nods his head in greeting.

“Is your last name Hamilton?” Lafayette asks.

“It is,” James answers suspiciously. “Why do you ask?”

“You have a brother, _non_?”

“Uh… I— Yes, I do.” James says.

“I’m his friend.” Lafayette states.

James’ eyes widen. This feels too surreal. Maybe he should pinch himself or punch himself to make sure he isn’t dreaming.

“Is he…” James starts but needs to take a moment to swallow the lump in his throat. “Is he okay?”

“He is. He’s happy.”

“Oh.”

“But,” Lafayette says. “He needs his brother. You need to meet up with him.”

James clears his throat. He doesn’t want to break down crying in front of a stranger. “He wouldn’t want to see me. I left him. He probably hates me.”

He’s surprised and only slightly offended when Lafayette barks out a laugh. “He said nearly the exact same thing to me.”

James looks at him with a confused expression. Lafayette continues talking.

“The man who asked if you knew Alexander was a friend of mine. After coming here he texted me, asking if Alexander had a brother because there was a man with the same last name who reminded him of him. He gave me the address and I immediately went to Alexander and told him. He was angry at first because he thought I was lying. Then he said you wouldn’t want to see him again after leaving. He thought you were happy without him.”

Lafayette’s eyes turn sympathetic when he sees the broken expression on James’ face.

“He wants to see me? I thought...” James’ voice breaks before he could finish his sentence.

“Is it normal for you Hamiltons to assume what others think, or is it just you two?” Lafayette smiles.

James gives a watery chuckle. Alexander wants to see him. His brother doesn’t hate him. He should probably really hit himself to make sure he isn’t dreaming because if he is, he’s  going to be seriously angry.

“But he refuses to see you. He’s bent on the thought that you don’t want him in your life. I suspect that’s incorrect?” Lafayette raises an eyebrow. James nods his head furiously, still not trusting himself to not burst out in tears. “Well then, you need to go to _him_.”

“How will I do that?”

“If you’re willing,” Lafayette says smiling. “I can take you to him now.”

James isn’t sure if he’s really willing to go with a stranger to an unknown destination, but somehow he doesn’t care. He needs to see his brother. He needs to make things right.

“I’ll go.” James says this without missing a beat. Lafayette continues to grin broadly and leads him out the shop. James locks up and follows Lafayette to his car.

The ride to Alexander’s apartment is fairly short, but during it James realizes what he’s doing. Years after abandoning his brother, James is going to see him again. And according to Lafayette, he wants James to. Lafayette goes on and on about how Alexander is going to be so excited to be reunited with him again, but James only half listens. The Frenchman seems content with that. One thing that does take James by surprise is when he Lafayette mentions Alexander living with his boyfriend. He always seemed like a ladies man. Not that it matters who he’s with, all that matters is that he’s alive.

They park in front of a small apartment complex and James takes a deep, calming breath to soothe his nerves even if it does nothing to help.

Lafayette lays a hand on his shoulder. “Everything will work out fine, _mon ami_. You’ll see.”

James nods his head once before both men exit the car. As they walk in and make their way up the stairs to the second floor, James’ heart begins beating a mile a minute. His hands are sweaty and anxiety settles heavy in his chest. He keeps walking behind Lafayette despite every nerve in his body yelling, screaming at him to turn back.

They stop in front of a door. Lafayette turns his head to James, an unspoken question evident on his face. James nods and swallows. This is happening and he’s going to face it like a man. Lafayette knocks on the door and a man with freckles opens it.

“Hey, Laf.” He greets before looking to James. “Who’s this?”

James doesn’t speak and is thankful when Lafayette answers for him.

“John,” he says, “this man needs to speak to Alexander.”

“Who needs to speak to me?” Calls a voice from the inside of the apartment. Then there’s a short man standing by the door. He loops his arm around John’s waist.

_Alexander._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know where the mistakes are here and ill fix it as soon as possible


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so at first i had a real good reason for not writing but then that situation was resolved and it kinda became a matter of me dragging my feet and kicking myself for procrastinating but ayy it's longer than the other chapters so?? ? youre welcome? lmao idk
> 
> hopefully i start updating like i used to again
> 
> enjoy
> 
> edit (6/27/18) that last statement was a fatass lie

This is very weird. Lafayette usually randomly shows up at Alexander and John’s apartment, but for the most part, he shows up alone. Now he’s here with a man, whom apparently needs to speak with Alexander. Not to mention the man is staring at him wide-eyed and speechless as he loops his arm around John’s waist. He stares back at the man with a confused face for some time before the silence is broken by Lafayette. He nudges the man, as if that’ll break him out of his trance.

“Go on,” Lafayette says to the man, “introduce yourself.”

This seems to startle him out of his spell and he looks at the Frenchman with sad, scared eyes.

“This—” the man says, backing away slowly, shaking his head with a panicked look in his eyes. “This was a mistake. No, I can’t do this.”

“Hey—” Lafayette is cut off by the man. Alexander and John stand with equally confused expressions as they watch the scene in front of them.

“No, I’m going back. I need to open up the craft shop anyway so I’ll just go.” The man says all of this while backing away a bit quicker than before. He then turns to properly walk away and realization floods Alexander’s mind.

 _The craft shop. A man who reminded Thomas of Alexander. James Hamilton._  His eyes did look weirdly familiar.

Lafayette went and brought his brother here. He can’t imagine why he’d agree to come if he never wanted to see Alexander again, but that’s beside the point. His brother is here and he will not throw away his shot. So he let’s go of John and walks away from the doorframe where they’d been standing.

“James,” Alexander calls. He freezes at the end of the hall. His hands are balled in shaking fists and his shoulders are slightly raised due to how tense he must be. He turns, slowly, tears in his eyes.

“Alexander,” James says back, much quieter than his brother. Alexander walks quickly to him, tears filling his own eyes, until he crashes into James. He hugs him tighter than he’s ever hugged anyone. James isn’t quick to react, seemingly taken aback by the action. What did he expect him to do? Hit him?

James finally hugs back after a little over half a minute, and when he does, he nearly crushes Alexander. They cry as the hold each other, James holding Alexander’s head with one hand while he has the other arm wrapped around his torso, and Alexander having his arms wrapped around James’ neck with his nose buried in his brother’s shoulder. At some point they begin to sway side by side as they cry quietly into each other, bodies shaking with silent sobs.

Alexander doesn’t know what John or Lafayette are doing. He can’t bring himself to care right now. James is first to pull away. He keeps his hands on Alexander’s shoulders. They smile at each other.

 _“Cómo estás, hermano?”_ James asks. Alexander barks out a watery laugh.

 _“Bien. Buenísimo ahora que estás aquí.”_ Alexander answers. He motions to his apartment door. _“Entra.”_

James nods and follows him into the apartment where John and Lafayette sit on the couch. Both men perk up at the sight of the brothers.

“John,” Alexander says, smiling even brighter than before. “This is my brother, James.”

John stands and shakes James’ hand. “Hi, I’ve heard a bit about you.”

“It’s good to meet you. You’re Alexander’s boyfriend?” James asks and releases John’s hand.

“Yeah, he is.” Alexander answers before John. “You’re… you’re okay with that?”

James chuckles. “Up until now I thought you were dead. I don’t care who you’re with.”

Alexander smiles (and tries very hard to hold back a whimper) and Lafayette stands. He walks up and as he begins pushing John out of the door says, “I think you two should have some time to catch up. Me and John will be with Hercules.”

John turns back to Alexander and kisses his cheek. “We’ll be back soon. Call me if you need anything.”

Alexander nods and John smiles, walking away with Lafayette after waving goodbye to James.

Alexander turns to James once John and Lafayette are out the door. “Do you want anything to eat or drink?”

James shakes his head and both brothers take a seat side by side on the couch.

“Do you work?” James asks.

“Yeah,” Alexander answers. “I’m a journalist for a local magazine.”

James nods. “Sounds interesting. You always did love to write. I remember you were always asking me to bring you back a little notebook or some more pens.”

“I remember that,” Alexander smiles. “I’d always keep a notebook tucked under my shirt or in my pants in case anything happened.”

“You’d go on and on about the things you wrote that day. Sometimes you’d fall asleep through the middle of a story.” James chuckles at the thought.

They both fall into silence, their smiles becoming sad.

Alexander breaks the silence. “James, why did you leave that day?”

James frowns and stares at the floor. “I was young and desperate. The carpenter was kind and when he offered to take me in, I said yes immediately. It was selfish to have ignored the fact that you would have been alone.”

“It’s just…” Alexander says. “I thought after everything, we’d always stick together. When you left I thought you had only stuck around because you needed to. I didn’t think you really cared about me after that.”

“Don’t say that.” James finally looks at him, pain and remorse plain on his face. “You were never a survival tactic. I always cared about you. I was scared. God, I don’t even know why I said yes without even trying to convince him to take you too.”

James holds his head in hands. His shoulders shake in more silent sobs. “Then I heard about the hurricane and about all the people who died and I… I thought you died too. I hated myself so much for just leaving you. But then some guy comes asking if I knew you and I froze up. I wanted to see you, but I was so sure that if you were alive, you’d hate me.” Alexander rubs his back as he cries, up and down like his mother did. He can’t stand to see James like this. “After a while your friend came over to the shop and said you _did_ want to seem me, that you thought _I_ hated you. I’m so sorry.”

Alexander stands and James looks up at him. He walks to the bedroom and emerges with the jacket James gave him when he left. James’ eyes widen at the sight of it.

“I kept this. Sometimes I wear it when I’m sad. It helps me because it was the only proof I had that I was more than convenient to you. Even if I kept thinking otherwise.” Alexander hands James the jacket and he stares at it for a little bit before speaking again.

“Did you get here before the storm?”

Alexander shakes his head. “I got here afterwards. Before it hit, people were passing a plate around, trying to raise enough for me to book passage on a ship to New York after they saw something I wrote in a newspaper about my life. They were moved. Total strangers helped me and I watched so many of them die. But I couldn’t seem to drown. I managed to save the money and I used it to get here. I thought you were still on the island when it happened so I thought you died too. So little people made it out.”

“I’m sorry.” James repeats, staring down at the jacket in his hands again. “We should have been here together.”

“We’re here now,” Alexander says, kneeling in front of James. “I’m tired of dwelling on the past. Let’s just use now to make up for lost time.”

James sniffles and nods. “Okay.”

“Now that we got that sorted out,” Alexander smiles. He sits back down on the couch. “You left with a carpenter. Why do you have a crafts shop?”

James chuckles and wipes his nose with the back of his hand. “The old man always said he wanted to try and open up a crafts store, but never could in Nevis. So we opened one up. He left it to me when he passed.”

“So you live in an apartment near there or what?”

“I live in the attic above the store,” when he sees Alexander’s expression he smiles and waves him off. “It’s better than everyone thinks it is. I live there with my cat.”

Alexander gasps and smiles. “What’s its name?”

“His name is Ham. I want to get another and call it Cheese.”

“I like that,” Alexander snorts. “Ham and Cheese. That’s cute.”

The two brothers continue to make light conversation until Alexander decides that they could both use a few beers. As they talked, he couldn't help but think how strange it is for both of them to find each other in the same state after years of believing the other died tragically along with countless other people in a hurricane. It seems almost fake. He still half expects for him to wake up in his bed next to John. Or maybe he'd wake up alone on Nevis. Every time he has something good, it's always ripped away from his hands.

But he still hasn't woken up, and if this is a dream then all Alexander can bring himself to do is hope that he never wakes up.

Now that he thinks about it, throughout his life he has always believed in God even if most of it was spent being angry at Him. Every prayer, every plead, and cry have been met with indifference. He's always had to do things for himself. Maybe this is God's way of rewarding Alexander for his work.

He still doesn't think he'll ever stop being angry (or at the very least, _annoyed_ ) with God, but this is good.

That doesn't matter though. He's with his brother, his boyfriend is out with his good friend, and the now-many beers he's consumed has left him with a nice buzz. He and James are currently talking about a nice old woman who often goes to James’ shop, and how the woman's family frustrates him despite never having met them. He explains how they never call or visit her and he can tell it breaks her heart. Alexander understands James’ irritation. Neither of the two have family to call and check up on. In that moment he thinks there are far too many people who don't understand how a simple call can make a person's day, especially if it's family.

The two stop their conversation, leading them to fall into a companionable silence. Alexander racks his brain for something more to talk about; he doesn't want to stop speaking with his brother in fear that if he does, he'll never get to talk with him again. James beats him to it before he has the chance to think of something.

“How did you meet John?” James asks.

“Well,” Alexander starts, smiling fondly at the memory. “We met at a bar when I was talking to a friend of mine— Aaron Burr— and he came up, drunk as fuck, and challenged Burr to a rap battle. John lost of course, the best rapping he can do is an introductory rap from like, what, the eighties? But yeah he had been with Lafayette and our other friend Hercules Mulligan, and we all bonded over how annoying Burr was even though I had just met him. So long story short: we started off as friends, got closer, and eventually started dating.”

“You met when he got his ass kicked in a rap battle he started. That's a first.” James snickers.

“So do you have anyone?” Alexander asks, taking a swig of beer.

James shakes his head before taking a small sip of his own beer. “Haven't really been interested in anyone lately. I mean I’ve dated a few girls before, but it was never anything too serious.”

“I should set you up with someone.”

James chuckles. “Don’t bother. I’m fine with Ham.”

“Is Ham even a girl?” Alexander quirks an eyebrow.

“Ah, be quiet.”

James snorts a laugh and ruffles Alexander’s hair the way he did when they were little. It sparks something in him, causing his heart to flutter and his eyes become misty with nostalgic joy. He smiles broadly but slaps his James’ hand away anyway, just like he would when they were young.

Not long after that both brothers fall asleep on opposite sides of the couch. The top half of James’ body hangs off the armrest while the bottom half Alexander’s body is thrown over the backrest of the couch, leaving his top half to lay where his rear would normally be. Alexander usually sleeps soundly next to John every night, but sleeping with the knowledge that his brother will be here when he wakes up somehow makes his slumber all the more sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt unsatisfied as fuck with this :/// then again when am i ever satisfied with my writing [cue Satisfied pun]
> 
> sorry if this sucked but,,, yknow,,, nothing you can do about it
> 
> i also only reviewed and edited this once bc i wanna watch stranger things now so sorry about that as well i guess


End file.
